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SEND US AN EMAILWhat is anger?
In Emotionally Focused Therapy, anger is perceived as a secondary, protective emotion that signals perceived threat, hurt, or disconnection. It is understood not as a problem in itself, but as a defensive response that masks more vulnerable primary emotions and unmet attachment needs.
Uncontrolled anger can adversely impact both physical and mental health. It may also escalate rapidly into verbal or physical aggression, potentially causing harm to yourself and others.
How can you manage your anger?
My goal is not to suppress negative emotions, but to help you engage with them in a healthier and more positive way.
In Emotionally Focused Therapy, anger is addressed by slowing it down, validating its protective function, and helping the client access and express the more vulnerable primary emotions and attachment needs that lie underneath it.
How do you know you cannot control your temper?
The most important part of anger management is acknowledging that you have a problem with the way you handle stressful situations. Of course, the first step is affirming the issue, but you must acknowledge the signs to do this.
Signs of an anger problem include:
- Getting angry over trivial issues
- Irritation
- Excessive, violent behaviour
- Insomnia
- Regret the things you say
- Impatience
- Rapid breathing
- Migraines
- Flushing
- Pacing
- Difficulty concentrating
The management of anger is a critical component in the process of psychological healing.
While anger serves as an indicator that something is amiss, prolonged anger can result in long-term harm to both the immune system and emotional well-being.
Research indicates that persistent anger can contribute to the development of physical illness.
Chronic anger has been shown to weaken the immune system, increasing the risk of conditions such as migraines, gastritis, and hypertension. In addition to these physical effects, sustained anger can negatively impact mental health, potentially resulting in verbal outbursts toward others and subsequent feelings of isolation, emotional distress, and self-doubt.
How can I manage my anger?
I will help you to be able to slow down emotionally and to regulate your nervous system so that you can deal with the cause of anger in a much more constructive manner.
What are the costs of anger?
- Anger destroys personal relationships
- Anger disrupts work relationships
- Anger tends to make difficult situations worse
- Anger sparks aggression
- Anger may lead to heart disease
Myths about how to deal with anger
- Actively expressing your anger reduces it
- Take some time away when you feel angry
- Anger helps you to get what you want
- Outside events make you angry
FAQ
How do I know I have a problem with anger?
If you find yourself getting angry over the smallest of things, then it is time to seek the help of a mental health practitioner.
This story may help: Sam learned to push his anger down to avoid conflict and rejection. The anger didn’t disappear—it turned into emotional withdrawal and distance. His partner felt shut out, and the more disconnected they became, the more his anger resurfaced in sharp, defensive moments. Beneath the anger was unspoken hurt and a fear of not mattering. Until those vulnerable emotions were recognised and shared, the cycle of anger and disconnection kept repeating.
